Name: After Trump's Battle for Greenland
Uploaded: 2026-01-22T00:24:00Z
Duration: 7 min
Description: An Editor at Large: Satire from columnist Gerry Baker detailing how the U.S. easily won the 2026 Battle of Greenland, but the consequences proved convulsive for all.

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An Editor at Large: Satire from columnist Gerry Baker detailing how the U.S. easily won the 2026 Battle of Greenland, but the consequences proved convulsive for all. Photo: Sean Gallup/Getty Images

https://m.wsj.net/video/20260122/76ed0890-3b39-4c54-b7f5-082b041c22f4/1/hls/manifest-hd-wifi.m3u8

An Editor at Large: Satire from columnist Gerry Baker detailing how the U.S. easily won the 2026 Battle of Greenland, but the consequences proved convulsive for all.

After Trump's Battle for Greenland

We probably won't get anything unless I decide to use excessive strength and force where we would be frankly unstoppable. But I won't do that.

Historians differ about the true origins of World War III. Some think its roots lay in the disastrous US interventions in Afghanistan and Iraq in the early 2000s, which weakened American authority in the world, emboldened rivals, and sapped domestic support for assertive military action overseas.

No more free rides for nations that betray the generosity of the American taxpayer.

Some cite Russia's invasion of Ukraine in 2022, the first major land offensive in Europe since World War II. Breaking an 80 year taboo on armed conflict for territorial advantage.

We will not fight the third World War in Ukraine.

Others argue that the rise of China from the 1990s onward made conflict more or less inevitable. The world falling again into the ides trap of an emerging power, posing an existential threat to the strategic hegemon.

It is past time to confront this issue.

But there's general agreement about the crucial precipitating factor that led to the third global conflict in a little over a century. The brief and or so it seemed initially stunningly successful US victory in the battle of Greenland in 2026. It wasn't much of a battle to be sure, President Trump was fresh off his swift and effective intervention in Venezuela to topple that country's president Nicholas Maduro, and bring him to justice in the United States. Maduro was later pardoned by President JD Vance, and he and his wife now run a chain of retail cocaine stores based in Palm Beach, Florida. But emboldened by this, President Trump doubled down on a revamped Monroe doctrine.

They now caught the down road document. I don't know.

Gerard: The Trump administration insisted that the US needed to annex Greenland for its own security, and that of the wider Western hemisphere. It initially sought to pressure Denmark, the Arctic Island sovereign authority to sell it.

I may put a tariff on countries if they don't go along with Greenland, 'cause we need Greenland for national securities.

Deploying his favorite diplomatic tool, Mr. Trump. Not unreasonably expected the Europeans to cave, as they typically did when confronted with the reality that decades of dependency had left them powerless in the face of real strength. But the Danes are proud people whose soldiers had fought and died alongside Americans in Iraq and Afghanistan refused. When Mr. Trump ordered US forces to seize the island, Denmark enlisted a handful of nations to help with the resistance. A coalition of the willing, as it were, if not of the able. It was never much of a battle. In addition to Danish and Greenland forces armed for winter warfare, the allies included, a shipload of British admirals. At the time it was reported that the Royal Navy has more admirals now than warships. A Canadian armored detachment handpicks to make sure that it complied with the country's rules on diversity, equity, and inclusion. A German fleet of battery powered armored fighting vehicles that had to be abandoned when the only charging stations in nuke. The territory is capital broke down, and a Dutch infantry battalion that was forced to withdraw because of a shortage of ammunition and discovered that shouting bang, bang as they had been trained was of little effect in real battle. Humiliated the Europeans and Canadians retreated, but regrouped in order to do whatever they could to retaliate. The North Atlantic Treaty organization was formally dissolved in late 2026. Europe expelled American troops, deprived of its forward operating bases there from which vital missions have been conducted across the world over the last 75 years. The US tried to strike deals with Arab governments to establish bases in those countries, but domestic popular hostility there to American military deployment and continuing tensions over the US alliance with Israel meant that was a non-starter. The European Union escalated the economic warfare. It banned all American imports. US produced technology was regulated to within an inch of its life and eventually banned completely. Baidu, TikTok, and BYD replaced Google, Instagram, and Tesla in European homes and businesses. Military procurement from US defense contractors ended. Only loyal Hungary agreed to take a couple of F-35s on generous financing terms. The iconic McDonald's restaurant, the Rue Saint, became an interactive museum of American obesity. The fallout did almost as much harm to the US as it did to Europe. The dollar sank pushing up retail prices in America, and causing a run on treasury bonds that flattened mortgage lending and battered corporate finances. Seizing their opportunity, Russia and China demonstrated the value of allyship and pounced. Russia suspended its campaign in Ukraine, and quickly moved on the Baltics. With NATO gone, Europeans were deeply divided about whether to offer support, but as a harsh winter descended, the desperate need for cheap energy soon forced them to ascent to Russian control over large swathe of Eastern Europe.

Interviewer: Are you willing to get involved militarily to defend Taiwan if it comes to that?

Yes.

Strategic ambiguity over Taiwan had ended in 2022, and with us warships that once patrolled the Strait now deployed chasing drug boats in the Caribbean, and mopping up Inuit resistance on Greenland coasts. Taipei quickly capitulated to China. Then in a devastating move, Beijing ordered the release for open source access of all of its most important artificial intelligence algorithms.

Investors in their portfolios woke up this morning walking into a buzz saw, and the question of the day is to panic or not to panic.

Following the lesser Deepseek panic of 2025, this explosion of AI supply crushed the US market cratering the valuations of the big US tech companies, which had been built on their supposed AI dominance. America's strategic superiority was constrained by the limitations of the new geopolitical realities, and the US had no intention of starting a nuclear war. Instead, along with its remaining three allies, El Salvador, Qatar, and Senegal, it struck an uneasy piece, a tripartite charter that replaced the American dominated global order, with a condominium of Russia, China, and the US, dominant in their respective regions. Still, we'll always have Greenland.

WSJ Opinion: After Trump's Battle for Greenland

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